- What is motivation?
- How do we get motivated?
- How do we stay motivated?
It dawned on me that for very obvious reasons I do not have
this Motivation thing squared down to a T. Then again, who does?
Following what appear to be several weeks of hiatus (let's be real, I may have to count in years instead), I found
myself caught up with the usual assortment of mundane distractions, unnecessary
drama and other duties. In the end, every single interruption was shamelessly
used, by me, as an excuse NOT to perform or stay on track with my goals. I
believe that we all have been there at some point or another in our life,
whereby we start something good for ourselves only to see our motivation level
somehow wither along the way, sometimes much sooner than expected, only to
repeat the same cycle over and over. Like many other times before, I now find myself with the grueling task of having to pick up where I left off, and perhaps having to work “double hard” on undoing some of the usual self-destructive behaviors I have historically relied upon as escape and coping devices. Though the list of such sneaky bad habits is endless, weight gain, unfinished projects and the overall feeling of an unaccomplished life do come to mind.
Somewhere along the line, there was an attempt at doing
things right as I did join my local gym and managed to go everyday on week
one, 5 days on week two but not at all afterwards! So, and in light of yet
another major fail on my part, I have decided to spend some time learning about
Motivation: what motivates us, how do we find motivation, keep it and sometimes
pass it on and inspire others.
I am hoping My Great Challenge readers will find this article interesting as I have come up with one equation as well as a series of rules to define and lead to success.
I am hoping My Great Challenge readers will find this article interesting as I have come up with one equation as well as a series of rules to define and lead to success.
MOTIVATION
What is motivation?
Here is a simple definition from Wikipedia (serious research
was involved here!):
“Motivation
is a term that refers to a process that elicits, controls, and sustains certain
behaviors. Motivation is a group of phenomena which affect the nature of an
individual's behavior, the strength of the behavior, and the persistence of the
behavior”.
Elicit=Create. Control=Abstain from. Sustain=Maintain.
In my case, I am looking for the motivation to start taking
better care of my health and finally see projects through their completion, control
those behaviors that have proven over and over to be counterproductive and at
times self-destructive and of course, sustain the effort by maintaining an
optimal health level and picking projects I can actually complete along the way! For others,
it could be anything from quitting smoking to leaving a dead-end job in search of a better one, or the motivation to be a
better parent, cleaner house, spending more time with loved ones, saving for
retirement etc. No matter your goal, I find the following principles propelling motivation to be equally effective.
EXCUSES:
Obviously Motivation comes from a force leading us to behave
a particular way, hoping to obtain a specific result. We can be motivated to
either do good or bad things to ourselves and others.
There is also the motivation to do nothing; We call it the
status quo but “not to decide is to
decide”, so the next time you choose to put something on hold as a way of
avoiding making a decision altogether, know that you are actually deciding in favor of the Status Quo. Unfortunately
too many of us choose this option not to change at all, waking up years later
wondering what happened to our lives.
I find these Status Quo decisions to be the most costly on
all fronts, whether they cost us our health (not taking care of ourselves), our
spirit (not paying attention to essential emotional needs such as love and
being loved) or financially (procrastinating on repairs, better employment, credit
card debt etc.) The force behind such decision to do nothing is usually wrapped
around a veil of universal excuses in the like of “I am too old for this”,
“It’s too late”, “this is not for me”, “I don’t have the time”, “I don’t have
the money”, “I’m not smart enough”, “People will laugh”, “It’s just too hard”, “I may lose everything”, "I have other priorities", “I can’t…” Ad nauseam.
I find it amazing how creative I can be in finding just the
right excuse/distraction not to do something I need to do and if you spend
some time listening to your own inner dialogues, you too will find a catalog of
excuses you tend to use on an ongoing basis, my most reliable excuse to not
follow through with some of my goals is
“I know I can totally nail this! I can get to it later. I work best under pressure”.
It’s
just plain foolish over-confidence on my part! I have used this excuse since my college days and
just like the slot machine, all it took was one win to get me hooked: in this
case, one final paper written the night prior to its submission, later returned to
me with a big red A+ marked on the top! That final paper sealed the deal for me
and I have since learned or rather convinced myself that I indeed, work best
under pressure! The truth is that I
don’t even know what it would be like to NOT work under pressure and the result
of such excuse is always the same: beating myself up for having procrastinated
for so long and suffering dire consequences as a result. It appears that, in
the end, my over confidence always leads me to feel shame and embarrassment. So, here is Rule
#1: NO MORE EXCUSES!
Motivation as a
dynamic force:
Motivation, unlike status quo, is a dynamic force: it
changes over time and by virtue of being dynamic, also varies in intensity,
sometimes from one day to the other. The force I mention above can also be
characterized as either coming from within (Intrinsic) or from outside of
ourselves (Extrinsic).
The best example I can provide to illustrate this point is
that of the dreaded diet. Why do we go on diets? Though there is an obvious
health concern (the doctor says so), sometimes we are just more concerned with
aesthetics (looking good) and society’ standards (looking acceptable).
Let’s just say that my best friend Kate is getting married 5
weeks from now. I have known about the wedding for over a year but chose “status
quo” instead and procrastinated losing the 25 lbs that I wanted to lose before
her wedding. Feeling the pressure of the impending main event, I now have 5
weeks to lose the 25 lbs. It is of course a tall order, but in my peanut sized
brain, I really believe that I can knock off those 25 lbs in 5 weeks! So sure
enough I start on this drastic diet whereby I pretty much starve myself and
while I manage to sustain day 1 through 3, guess what happens on the fourth
day? I quit! “Who’s Kate anyway?” I say, “I’ll just show up as is, after all it
is HER wedding, no one will look at me!” And on and on I go with the excuses. Further, since I have made a “feel good”
decision (that of no longer suffering through self-imposed starvation) I congratulate myself
with a large bowl of Blue Bunny Red Velvet Cake Ice Cream and celebrate my
newly found freedom from diet slavery! Five weeks later I show up at Kate’s wedding
with an additional 3 lbs. I now have 28 to lose! Repeat cycle. Sounds familiar?
The issue here is that I was only motivated to lose weight
because of a force outside of myself (Kate’s wedding) and not because I wanted
to lose weight for my health and personal well-being. I did not want to lose
weight more than I had wanted anything else in my life. And here lies one of the
basic principles of motivation. Rule #2:
YOU HAVE TO WANT TO CHANGE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE YOU HAVE EVER WANTED.
In order to be successful in achieving our goals, we must
tap into what is called INTRINSIC
MOTIVATION, or motivation from within ourselves, not just from outside of
ourselves. We have to want to change and not only understand but also accept that WE MUST change.
This is the only thinking and belief that will lead you (and me) to success, be
it saving money: “I must cut spending and save money” or exercise: “I must go to the gym and get back in shape”.
Though it all makes sense, I have found that when one is
severely depressed or suffers from low self-esteem, finding reasons from within ourselves to
make positive changes can become a bit of a challenge.
Therefore, a healthy mix of both types of motivation (Intrinsic and Extrinsic) can help us sustain
our journey towards achievement. Sometimes, it is perfectly okay to move from an
external to an internal source of motivation (hence the reason why some highly motivated folks find it
necessary and inspiring to create vision boards ). Again, using the
example of the weight loss, one could say “I want to lose weight because I need
to have my health under control and feel good about myself(Intrinsic Motivation). I also want to be
there for my kids and my spouse (Extrinsic Motivation)”. 1 out of 2 is not good
enough, you need both! Rule #3: FIND BOTH INTRINSIC AND EXTRINSIC REASONS TO CHANGE.
Be Specific:
While anyone can set goals for themselves (they say that
“the road to Hell is paved with good intentions”), if your goal is just
too vague such as “I need to save money”, adding specifics to your goals will
make them more achievable.
I also find that the language (and attitude) we use when setting
goals can also lead to self-sabotage. If I say to myself “I need to…” It is a guarantee that I will
find reasons that I actually “do not need to”. Instead, If I identify my goal
as an INTENTION rather than a direction (I need vs. I will) I
have added one more dynamic to the equation:
Intrinsic/Extrinsic Motivation
+ Intention
Here are a few examples of specific intentions:
Instead of this goal
|
Choose this specific
intention
|
I need to save money
|
I will put $100 aside every week into a
savings account I cannot withdraw from.
|
I need to cut spending
|
I will only shop for xyz once per month
and always ask this series of question: Do I really want it? Can I wait? Do I
really need it? Can I get it for cheaper? Etc.
|
I need to lose
|
I will lose no more than 2.5 lbs. per
week up to the 28 lbs. I want to lose, no matter how long it takes.
|
I need to go to the gym
|
I will go to the gym on Monday,
Wednesday, Friday and Sunday no matter the weather.
|
Goals should also follow the SMART principle: Specific,
Measurable, Achievable and Timely (November 1981 issue of Management
Review by George T. Doran). For more on SMART goals, I recommend you read Attitude is Everything, by Jeff Keller:
A budget for instance is not about simply saying “I need to stay within the budget”. It is about accounting for every single dollar you anticipate earning before you even spend the first one! Dave Ramsey did a great job teaching us about budgeting and I strongly recommend you either read or listen to his Total Money Makeover.
In addition to an amount, your goal should also specify a timeframe and remain within reason. For instance, if your spending habits are out of control and bills stacked ceiling high, a goal of saving 33% of your income on a monthly basis may be measurable, specific and timely, it is just not achievable.!
Get it here! |
A budget for instance is not about simply saying “I need to stay within the budget”. It is about accounting for every single dollar you anticipate earning before you even spend the first one! Dave Ramsey did a great job teaching us about budgeting and I strongly recommend you either read or listen to his Total Money Makeover.
Must Read |
In addition to an amount, your goal should also specify a timeframe and remain within reason. For instance, if your spending habits are out of control and bills stacked ceiling high, a goal of saving 33% of your income on a monthly basis may be measurable, specific and timely, it is just not achievable.!
The idea here is that instead of a draconian “I need to”;
you would replace the “order” or cruel and severe obligation (no one likes those)
with a more positive intention complete with specific instructions as to how to
achieve it. Rule #4: LIVE YOUR LIFE THROUGH ACHIEVABLE AND SPECIFIC INTENTIONS, NOT CRUEL AND SEVERE OBLIGATIONS YOU WILL GROW TO RESENT AND QUICKLY ABANDON.
Now that you have both an internal and an external reason to
change and have agreed that you want to change more than anything else you
have ever wanted and have specific intentions as to how to change, there
remains an important, if not the most important element of the equation: sustaining the effort!
How to stay
motivated?
Intrinsic/Extrinsic Motivation
+ Intention
+ Discipline
=
SUCCESS
+ Intention
+ Discipline
=
SUCCESS
“The ability to
motivate oneself in spite of a negative emotional state” is called discipline
and “qualities associated with self-discipline include Willpower, Hard Work,
and Persistence” (Wikipedia).
Here is my husband’s very own definition of discipline (he should
know, he spent 4 years in the Navy and is by far the most disciplined
individual I have even met):
“Discipline is the art of doing something
you do not like, over and over, with perfection”.
And THAT is solely an intrinsic force!
A trainer can beat you into the ground to get you to lose weight
and go to the gym, but once he or she is gone and out of the picture, can you
keep doing it on your own? Going back to money matters, how many folks do you know have
claimed bankruptcy because of their overspending and excessive habits? Did they eventually get back on their feet
only to find themselves in more debt 5 years later?Over the years I must have lost hundreds of pounds through
various diets. I have not once managed to keep the weight off for more than one year. Why? I lacked
discipline! Plain and simple.
Having done a bit of research on the subject, I found some
valuable hints and tips on how to develop and practice self-discipline and
surprise! It all comes down to “wax on/wax off”!
I found that one will not, nor can he or she manage a huge
project or endeavor without having practiced, to a minimum, the basic skills
needed to accomplish that goal.
For example, you may decide you are going to save $200 per month but if you can’t figure out a way to even save the first $20, how will you ever manage $200?
The same principle applies to eating and dieting: you may have this grand goal of losing 30 Lbs but if you can’t start by changing your grocery list, the content of your pantry and making better choices when dining out, you will continue to live in perpetual disappointment over yo-yo dieting.
For example, you may decide you are going to save $200 per month but if you can’t figure out a way to even save the first $20, how will you ever manage $200?
The same principle applies to eating and dieting: you may have this grand goal of losing 30 Lbs but if you can’t start by changing your grocery list, the content of your pantry and making better choices when dining out, you will continue to live in perpetual disappointment over yo-yo dieting.
Discipline is not something you are born with, it is
something you acquire OVER TIME. It takes practice and it takes all the other
elements highlighted above: Willpower, Hard
Work and Persistence.
I need to stress HARD WORK because that is usually the one stopping many from starting anything worth the effort: "it will be hard!" As Dave Ramsey often says “change does not have to be complicated, but it will be hard work”. That is a fact, so let’s get over this: diets suck, exercising takes forever, saving money means you no longer buy non essential items and finding another job means you and your resume will be rejected plenty of times and yes, it will hurt! So there, now get moving! Rule #5: EXPECT TO SASCRIFE, TO BE BURT, AND ABOVE ALL EXPECT A FEW SETBACKS ALONG THE WAY.
I need to stress HARD WORK because that is usually the one stopping many from starting anything worth the effort: "it will be hard!" As Dave Ramsey often says “change does not have to be complicated, but it will be hard work”. That is a fact, so let’s get over this: diets suck, exercising takes forever, saving money means you no longer buy non essential items and finding another job means you and your resume will be rejected plenty of times and yes, it will hurt! So there, now get moving! Rule #5: EXPECT TO SASCRIFE, TO BE BURT, AND ABOVE ALL EXPECT A FEW SETBACKS ALONG THE WAY.
How to practice self-discipline?
Rule #6: START SMALL, AND PERHAPS IN OTHER AREAS OF YOUR LIFE.
By making
"small" steps that are easily achievable, you will begin to build self-esteem and
create routines in your life as well as an environment where small successes can
begin to contribute to bigger ones (similarly a river needs contributaries to grow). Once your
life is surrounded by these small and readily noticeable achievements, making
an effort towards another and bigger goal becomes easier because you have
progressively eliminated all the other distractions (procrastinations) and negative influences
surrounding you.Here is an idea:
1. List 10 things you have procrastinated doing around the house this past year (it does not have to cost you anything e.g. de-clutter the kitchen drawers, file tax documents in filing cabinet, clean the dryer vent, garage sale etc.)
2. Check ALL 10 items off, one per day, one day at a time. (No excuse. Just do it!)
3. Pay attention to how you feel after 10 days!
You may ask how can de-cluttering a kitchen drawer or purging a closet be related to achieving your ultimate goals? Very simply, these small achievements prepare you for success. If you have never run in your life you would not think of registering for the New York City Marathon as your first attempt at running, instead you would probably start with walking, then running small distances to first build endurance.By the same token, if emotional hoarding (being burdened by specific recurring thoughts
and feelings) has become an issue in your life, perhaps you need to tackle your
physical clutter first.
During my last closet purge I found that I was hanging
on to a lot of unnecessary stuff, most of which was no longer relevant in my
current life. By getting rid of that clutter I was able to create valuable
space around me which had a positive side effect: that of allowing me to breathe
better (literally) as well as to see clearer around me. That in itself is helping
me find the time and mental space to write this article as well as other
things. It is all related, just like learning Karate by first learning to
take the wax off your car!
Other ways to practice self-discipline:- Schedule your work day and home duties with precision. This means you also have to schedule relaxation and iddle time. Facebook and other social networks are time suckers, schedule a limited amount of time and shut the PC off when time is up.
- Schedule small tasks for specific times during the day (e.g. wipe counter top at bed time).
- Find and designate "Psychological Nudges" (have someone check on you, be accountable to a group or a specific person for specific tasks).
Learn from
your mistakes – Those who forget are doomed to repeat.
Expect that establishing self-discipline and routine will
take time and we should learn to anticipate and accept mistakes and small
setbacks. More importantly, spending the
time to analyze where we fell short will provide opportunities to anticipate
and act accordingly in the future. For instance, when confronted with a diet
setback, learn to look at the situation and find the trigger(s) that led to the
setback.
Here is a common scenario: You are watching your food intake
(fancy way to say “diet”) and a management meeting at work leaves a conference
room with tons of leftovers in the likes of bagels, pastries, cookies etc.
FREE! It would be so easy to just walk in, take a plate and load up on the
favorites.
Think!
1. Are you really hungry? (Is hunger the trigger? If so, always have healthy snacks at work, munch on that instead)
2. Are you just bored? (If you snack out of boredom, how about cleaning your desk instead?)
3. What happened the last time you helped yourself to freebies in the conference room? If guilt overcame you afterwards, learn from it and keep it moving! Guilt is no longer an option chose willpower and pride instead.
1. Are you really hungry? (Is hunger the trigger? If so, always have healthy snacks at work, munch on that instead)
2. Are you just bored? (If you snack out of boredom, how about cleaning your desk instead?)
3. What happened the last time you helped yourself to freebies in the conference room? If guilt overcame you afterwards, learn from it and keep it moving! Guilt is no longer an option chose willpower and pride instead.
Here is the equation again:
Intrinsic/Extrinsic
Motivation
+ Intention
+ Discipline
=
SUCCESS
+ Intention
+ Discipline
=
SUCCESS
And here are the rules:
Rule #1: NO MORE EXCUSES!
Rule #2: YOU HAVE TO
WANT TO CHANGE MORE THAN ANYTHING ELSE YOU HAVE EVER WANTED.
Rule #3: FIND BOTH
INTRINSIC AND EXTRINSIC REASONS TO CHANGE.
Rule #4: LIVE YOUR LIFE THROUGH ACHIEVABLE SPECIFIC INTENTIONS
NOT CRUEL AND SEVERE OBLIGATIONS YOU WILL GROW TO RESENT AND THEREFORE QUICKLY
ABANDON.
Rule #5: EXPECT TO SASCRIFE, TO BE BURT, AND ABOVE ALL EXPECT A FEW SETBACKS ALONG THE WAY.
Rule #6: START SMALL AND PERHAPS START IN OTHER AREAS
OF YOUR LIFE.
How to stay
motivated?
Diets get boring, so does exercise. Home chores, well, they
just get to become routine and no one really likes to feel like a robot.
Quick change:
One way to stay motivated is to keep the process dynamic by
re-evaluating progress on a regular basis and making changes and adjustments as
needed. Just like fashion and food, there are fads and there are trends. Why?
They basically mirror our capacity to change as well as our need for change.
Though Self-Discipline requires you continue to do the same thing over and
over, you may not have to do it the same way each time. Some folks would listen
to music while cleaning, others start eating breakfast at dinner time, why not?
Ultimately, you know yourself better than anyone else, listen to your own tune
and if you find yourself getting bored, it’s time for a change since boredom
is a motivation sapper!
Share:
Another way to stay motivated is to share your success and
failures with others. You can blog, post, write, text, sing it, whatever medium
you want to use. Just share with others. That also counts as a Psychological
Nudge since many well-wishers will want to know what’s next for you and how
well you are doing. In this case, make yourself accountable to your audience,
your fan club, your family!
*******************************************************************
I hope you found this tidbit on motivation, “motivating”
(pun intended). I know I needed to revisit some of these concepts myself and
hopefully will get on the right path and stick to it. Standby for more and as always, feedback and comments are greatly appreciated.
S.